When I was an agnostic…

I was also anti-religion.

In hindsight, I can now say it was because religion frustrated me. To be specific, it was the question of God’s existence that frustrated me. Or, more precisely, not being able to find an answer to the question is what frustrated me. I was in high school when it came to a head, when I gave up trying to find that elusive answer.  It followed me into college. Religion was not just something I “would not touch with a ten foot pole.” It was something I consciously and intentionally ran from, went out of my way to avoid.

But I do feel that secretly – even hiding if from myself – I wanted to be religious; I wanted to believe. Now, when I come across an anti-religion atheist – you know, those outspoken “evangelical” atheist types who argue the “evils” of religion and the “childish silliness” of God belief – I believe that they do are as I was – a frustrated “want to” believer. All their anti-religion, anti-God talk is their way of reinforcing their failure to believe.

I find many people (at least the students in my classes, so maybe younger people) do not know the word “agnostic” so they tend to misuse the word atheist when, in fact, they say they are not sure if there is a god or not. They tend to use "atheist" as a way to say they are non-religious. Then, in the very next breath, they say they do believe in God or a higher power, they just don't go to church or actually detest organized religion. "Atheist" does not mean non-religious. There are, in fact, non-theistic religions (e.g., Buddhism).

A dictionary might define “atheist” as "belief that there is no god." That would be what is sometimes called a "hard atheist." But some folks who simply "do not believe in a god" will also call themselves an atheist, even if (like Carl Sagan) they do not believe simply because they do not know (= agnostic).

My own way to distinguish these three terms:

•        A theist believes in God without knowing there is a god;
•        An atheist believes there is no god without knowing there is no god;
•        An agnostic is the only one who knows he does not know!