My Mystical Experience


I had my first truly mystical experience when I was a junior in college. I recognized it as God's revelation of himself to me, making his presence known in my life.

I was deeply depressed. I roomed alone (by desire). My few friends rarely visited me. I did not party or play loud music. And there I was on a Saturday night in the dorm with a "mixer" (dance) going on downstairs and a loud party going on in a room down the hall and I was locked behind my door feeling sorry for myself and angry that others were having fun while I was feeling left out, even though that type of fun was not the something I enjoyed.

"What's the point?" I asked to no one in particular. "Why do I even continue to live?" My deep depression was leading me to suicidal thoughts. In an instant, I had my answer.

A thought occurred to me: "I'm OK just the way I am. I do not have to be like everyone else." A great sense of inner peace and joy came over me and washed my depression away.

The shift in emotions was so sudden and powerful that I had to ask myself "what was that?" The answer came to me out of the blue: "God". I knew that God exists. I was no longer agnostic and I would not even say I "believed" in God. Believing is for those who do not know. I had experienced God directly as a comforting and guiding presence within myself.

No one had ever taught me that God was within so the idea that God is found within was a true revelation, not the result of something I'd been told by someone else and assumed to be true.

I was not the type to think about God so it was really out of character to have thoughts of God enter my head now. It is the circumstance of the answer to my question ("what was that?") that continues to assure me that God is real rather than the emotional experience of deep inner peace, joy and contentment. If it had been just an emotional experience this could be attributed to psychological explanations. But, it was also a noetic experience - an experience that included knowledge: a knowledge which I carry with me for the rest of my life, a knowledge which is central to all that has followed, an experience which changed the direction of my life and continues to lead me to where, I know not. Because of this knowledge I do not believe in God...

I know that God is real!
I know that God's presence is found within!
I know that I do not need a mediator to achieve such heights!

For about a month or so after this experience I continued to feel God's presence within. I "felt" the sensation of large hands on my shoulders. I "heard" "words" of comfort and assurance inside my head. And I gained a self-esteem I had needed all my life and which continues to remain strong.

The "sensations" faded after awhile but the knowledge and belief has remained since then. I cannot deny the experience and would not want to. No matter how many different ways I have come to understand the nature of God since then, that does not change the power and effect the experience has had upon me.

- LES

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